The other day I was talking to a guy about dating. And inevitably the issue of educated women being intimidating to guys came up. It always does. This, naturally, catches my attention and strikes a chord because I fall into the category of educated, solid, return missionary, full of purpose and direction, top-notch, bright, experienced, and, simply put, amazing women that some guys consider intimidating. And the question came to my mind. Would men prefer that a woman who is all these great qualities “dumb-down” so that they won’t feel intimidated? Please answer no. Any other answer would just be dumb. The whole intimidation excuse sounds to me like them trying to pass the buck and blame women for being too good and amazing. And what are we supposed to do about it? Play dumb? Do you really want women to be less than what they are capable? We don’t expect you to be less than what you are capable of . In fact, good women will have high expectations of themselves and men. And I know men are more than capable of reaching those expectations. I’ve seen it in my father, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends, coworkers, etc. It is possible. And an educated, full of purpose and direction, top-notch, bright, experienced, and, simply put, amazing woman will help you get there.
While I was mulling this around in my mind the example of President and Sister Hinckley came to mind. Sister Hinckley often said, “He gave me space and let me fly.” In response to that President Hinckley said, “I’ve tried to recognize my wife’s individuality, her personality, her desires, her background, her ambitions. Let her fly. Yes, let her fly! Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does.” That seems easy enough, right? Just jump in the picture and let her fly. She will love and cherish you for it.
So men, who are claiming to be intimidated by educated, full of purpose and direction, top-notch, bright, experienced, and, simply put, amazing women… That is a really dumb excuse that I am not buying. Buck up and step it up. There is a woman out there who is totally worth it. Actually, there are many.
Picture from here.
6 comments:
Love this. Agree! :-)
:)
Sarah,
Good post. I think the intimidation thing is a cop out answer as well. I think from a guys point of very, well just mine, I have never been discouraged by a female's success. In fact it's a negative in my book if a woman is not only not very well educated but not driven to be her best self. I like girls in graduate school. I like girls who played college sports. I want to be proud that the girl I am walking down the street with is successful in multiple ways.
Now as far as the turn-off of successful women goes, I see it as this. If I have been turned off by successful women it has been because I felt they were more concerned with their successes than the relationships around them and treating people with kindness and compassion. I think it's the same for girls who are turned off by arrogant power-driven men. If I think the girl I'm going on dates is super successful because that "worldly success" is somehow actually important and vital to her self-esteem and confidence I am not interested in spending time with her. However, if there's an awesome girl who can sit and talk with me or go have a fun afternoon and give her attention to the situation like I would with her, I want that. I just want a girl who will be there for me like I will be for her. I want a woman who has correct priorities and won't make her children (or me for that matter) go emotionally malnourished because she is so concerned about "achieving". That for me, is the only "intimidation" factor.
I am not interested in girls who watch a lot of TV or who just sit on the side lines of my flag football game and cheer for me without doing something I can cheer for them. I am also not interested in a woman who is too busy "succeeding" to emotionally and spiritually connect with me.
For me its not a matter of "success" or education or anything like that. I want someone I can look in the eye and know they are present, that I am a priority to them like they are to me. If that's there, I can work with that.
I'm sorry for all the truly successful woman who are intimidating to men who can't handle their success.
Good topic Sarah.
Let me know what you think.
Oliver,
Thanks for chiming in and thanks for representing the men. I liked what you had to say. I really hope that this didn't seem like a bash the boys session. I usually refrain from such rituals. I simply had a question to put out there because I get tired of this coming up as if being smart and successful is a bad thing for a woman who wants to date and get married. I sometimes wonder how many women might get deterred from stretching themselves and becoming more because that cliche is out there. They don't want to "intimidate" men because like every woman I have ever talked, they do want to date and get married.
One other thought came to mind which might kind of address the thoughts you had. Because of the cliche, some women might be using the excuse "I'm not dating or married because my success intimidates men." rather than focusing on the real issue that they are not connecting and giving a relationship proper time and nourishment.
Either way, I feel that the cliche needs to go away, so men and women will recognize that it is awesome when a woman is educated and successful. Then they both can work together to become more and build better relationships.
It,s amazing
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